redirection

So. I'm shutting this thing down.
Check out the new and improved Punches Still Smell!
http://madteds.com/punches

procrastinator

So, it's 2:46AM, and I'm just finishing the rough draft for a paper due tomorrow.
And I have about 100 pages more of research to read.
Plus 2 tests this week that I havn't started to study for.
Jeez, why am I whining about this?

Sorry folks, I'm not gonna turn this into a bitch and gripe session.
teddy has a lot of work to do because he spent the weekend having too much fun and procrastinated the day away.
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Harumph.
Soon, I'll be off of blogger and moving this blog once again. Stay tuned, Bat-fans.

I woke up this morning feeling great and did a power yoga session, doing some moves I havn't done in a long time. My forearm handstand is finally getting there, which makes me glow. I was working on it a lot during teacher training, but could just never get there. Now, the class I'm taking at Yoga Yoga really emphasizes it, so I'm glad that I have the opportunity to work on it some more.

Did I ever tell you how much I dig my personal trainer? I have this 22-year old senior at UT who's studying to be a trainer, and part of her student teaching is to be MY personal trainer for 2 workouts a week. I've already been working with her for a month and a half, and she's got my body in amazing shape. I have muscles on my belly! I have muscles on my butt! I can sprint up hills without sweating!
But after a week off, I saw her again today. And it was awesome. She's got me doing all these creative activites, like blasting up hills, throwing medicine balls all over the place, lunging into push-ups . . . just crazy stuff. I don't know if all personal trainers are like this, but man, this girl rocks! I feel great, but it's just fun to excercise with someone who treats it like a game, and is always pushing me to do more more more.
Plus, she always tells me that I'm the case study in her class, because of my yoga and running background, I guess I'm a little more atheletic than the typical trainees (or so she says). So, I get the advanced, creative workouts that she uses just to see if I can handle it.
I dig it, I really do.

Tonight, I met with my single men's small group bible study. (that's a mouthful, huh).
I've been meeting with them for a little more than a month now, so I'm finally getting to be pretty comfortable with all of these guys. I tell ya, it was intense tonight. We did some bible study, but mainly we talked about issues in our lives that we're trying to resolve with a Christian perspective.
I've never been a part of a male-only bible study before. Heck, I've never really been a part of a bible study before period.
But within a circle of men, the conversation becomes unlike anything I've ever experienced. Gone is the usual locker room talk, like, "boy, that jessica simpson's really smoking" or "who farted?". It feels good to be around boys who don't have to resort to sophomoric crap to bond with other men, you know?
And inevitably, the topic of sex always comes up. I'm flabbergasted at the amount of self-control some of these Christian boys have over their own lives. Abstinence . . . complete abstinence. Even while in a relationship! Wow, I wish I had that will power.

I remember when Gandhi was talking about his own Brahmacharya, the Yogic concept of celibacy, the discussion shifted more on his wife's self-control more than his. It's a tough tough road to follow, especially if you're married. Because you're making a choice for someone else as well. I sure know that from personal experience.

But I guess the Christian view is, if you're married, then do it all you want. Just make sure you're married first!
I don't know why I'm so fixated on this, I think it's because I wish I had that same type of will power some of my Christian brothers have. I know it's easy to do now, but I wonder if I'll be able to say the same thing when temptation is right in my face.
I've walked away from it a couple times in my life, and I can honestly say, I'm a better man for it. But I've also done a lot of stupid things in my life that I regret, and I'm really trying to stop that. Really.
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Wow. Sorry to go so serious again.
I'm going to Houston this weekend to hang with my sister. I think we have an awful lot to talk about this time around. Oh yes indeed.

and the music plays forever

Hey, for those of you who ever saw my old blog, this is old. But if not, here's one of my favorite pictures of myself ever. It's me and my long lost twin brother who I found on the streets of Japan.
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man, I love my students.
I realized today why I'm going through all these feelings of loneliness and self-inadequacy.
It's because I no longer have a classroom full of kids to rule, each and every day, listening to every word I say, doing everything I ask, and laughing at my corny jokes.

To put it bluntly, I'm used to be treated like a king by my students.
And now that I don't have students, I'm going through a sort of breakdown, transitioning hard back into the real world.
It's not cool, I tell ya. Not cool, I got really into that rush of power each and every day.
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Three times this week I grew misty-eyed, which is very very unlike me. Honest. I wish I could cry more. You know, in Aryvedic thought, it's good to cry to let out emotions that get trapped inside your body. But I just don't really cry that often. I even tried really hard to cry when it was the last day with my students, because I wanted to show them how emotional I was inside and how much they meant to me. (And I even found out that other teachers were asking whether or not I cried on the last day of school). But I couldn't. I tried really hard, when I was hugging my kids for the last time. But anyway.

1) Hearing the Beauty and the Beast musical numbers at my roommates' students choral performance. Why the heck am I getting misty eyed over Beauty and the Beast songs? Something's going on inside me that I don't know about.
"be our guest, be our guest . . ."

Bwaah ha ha ha ha


2) At the same show, the students then sang a bunch of ABBA songs from Mamma Mia. When they launched into Dancing Queen, I could feel my heart stop.
Why does this song kill me so much?
It's so silly and bouncy, yet it conveys so much tragedy and emotion for me.
That's why it's always my default karaoke song, you know. For those of you who havn't seen me sing this drunken karaoke style, you're in for a treat one day. I never brag about my skills . . . but, baby, I own this song.
"dancing queen . . . only seventeen"

Sob sob sob honk

3) At church this evening, whenever the hymn Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing comes on, the words, " Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love;"
always hit me hard.
I remember a pastor telling me that Robert Robinson, the man who wrote these lyrics in the 18th century, predicted his fate with this song. In later years, he turned away from Christ, and ended up destitute. I'm not sure how much of that is true, but it always gets to me.

Because I know it's me.
I'm prone to wander, I can always feel it.
I've strayed far far away, and I know, I can get up, and wander off again.
It hurts so much sometimes, the knowledge of my own inevitable self-destruction.

When I was 10 years old, I told my mother that I had a vision of myself as an old man. I had been married 3 times and was fighting a battle with alcoholism.
She said I was crazy. I said I wasn't trying to be funny.

But, part of this vision has already come true, and it's always lurking there in the back of my mind.

---------------------------------
Okay, this is getting too deep for me.
Let's talk about what a great fun weekend I had, seeing lots of friends, making new ones, and getting lots of emails from a very specific individual who's really really cool and I'm just getting to know.

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Have a great week, everyone.

aww, man

So, I just threw down this heart-wrenching post about throwing game at girls and why it's so hard to remember the heartache you go through when you start a new relationship, because years later, it's so comfortable.

And how I'm resolved to stay single until I fall in love, I mean, truly fall in love, where I get nauseous and feel butterflies in my stomach and act irrationally.

But, stupid blogger ate my post.

So, instead, I'll just say I had a very busy day. Yoga, tennis, going to the UT football game, watching my roommates students sing a musical review, and going to a bar to hang with some cool kids. Long long Saturday. Full of fun, and a little misplaced game throwing, which Albert had to lean over and warn me about.

But, I'm too tired to rewrite the eye-watering, soulful text I already poured out. So I'll just shout Go Longhorns! (and Astros too, even though they lost today)

And groovy shout out to all the girls out there who've ever fallen for teddy, but I'm just too stupid to realize it. Well, actually, I don't think that's ever happened.

Let's change that. Shout out to all the girls I've ever fallen for, nonstop, but you don't even know that I'm there. yeah, break my heart, baby. You know I love it.

peace.

p.s. a real shout out to to my kid sis, who made me happy today.

twice as nice

Oh, I miss my students so much.

Years ago, I started a xanga for my web-design class, basically giving them my lessons through a xanga blog. I didn't realize that all my students would still check it, some long after graduation, to see what I was up to. I rarely put any personal info on it, but it was so nice to see my students leaving me cool little comments.

But I hadn't touched that blog in almost a year. So, after getting an email from one of my former students, I decided to throw a test message up there to see if anyone still checked it. I got 6 comments! Just like that, I couldn't believe it.

It makes me feel all warm inside.
Wanna see my "misterchao" xanga? Here it is:
http://www.xanga.com/MisterChao

Enjoy the dorky character or "MisterChao" I play when I'm teaching. It's actually quite fun. It's just me, except I constantly encourage rather than mock. And I'm wearing a tie.
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Great day, today. Full of fun.
1. I played a great tennis game today, in some hot hot sun. Full of drama. The second set, I lost on a tie-breaker. And even though it was doubles, it was completely MY loss. My selfishness, inability to get the ball over the net, and distracting shouting, destroyed me and my partner's game. But it was fun! A heated match, all the way to the very last point. I dig it, and I got to play with my old homeboy too. Thinking back, I don't think we've played tennis together in probably 10 years!

2. I learned to Salsa today. 2 hours of intensive beginner Salsa dancing. I learned a lot. Boy, I tell ya, that Salsa sure is a sexy dance. All that torso-swinging, hip-shaking, booty-bouncing fun, all while pushing and pulling a girl back and forth and all around you. Wow, why didn't anyone ever tell me about this stuff in high school? (to make me happy, they even told me I was amazing for a beginner. but I'm sure they tell that to everyone. even the fat people.)

3. I actually fused two things in my life that I have trouble with: studying and hanging out. Tonight, I went to a dope vegetarian punk-rock coffee shop, and studied with a good pal who I'm beginning to really dig more and more. I call her my kid sis, mainly cuz she calls me her big brother. I got to hear all about her love life and catch up on gossip, plus I read 40 pages of research articles and outlined a paper. Thank you, I'm gonna pat my productive self on the back.
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Hey, when all those H-town rappers keep talking about "free pepsi", what the heck are they talking bout?
I pick up almost all their references: purple drank (hah hah, codeine laced cough syrup), DJ Screw (the legendary mix-tape legend), and battle of the bands (yes, nothing like watching my uncle's alma TSU's marching band. Think Drumline). But what's "Free Pepsi" all about? Am I hearing it wrong? And what's a Candy Car?
-- curious teddy

whatchu know about it

Yes yes y'all.
I said it once, I'll say it again. Man, it is great to be single. I love it.
Want more details? Huh? Do ya?

Nah, no dice, baby. It's still early, we'll see how things fall.
I'm leaving it at that. (email me if you really wanna know)
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Today.
I woke up.
At noon.
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Man, grad school is bad for sleep loving teddy. Without having to be at work each and every day, I'm taking sweet liberties with my schedule and reverting back into stay up all night, sleep all morning teddy. Man, it's wrecking my morning Yoga routine and quiet time. Not to mention, my whole eating schedule. I ate lunch at 4PM today, what's up with that.

Oh, I forgot to say:
Happy Vegetarian Month!
This is the first time I've ever heard about it, and I found out from a flyer posted at the campus cafeteria announcing their vegetarian specials for this week.
Thank you, thank you. I'll take all the vegetarian love you care to throw me.
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So today, I feel on top of the world. I had 2 girls throw some serious flirting at me. Yeah, 2 of them. My head almost exploded, honest. That stuff rarely happens to teddy. And by rare, I mean never.
In the past, when a girl flirt throws some flirting my way, I usually kill it horribly by saying something like, "my eyebrow ring used to get infected all the time. then one morning after a tequila bender, i noticed that it had ripped outta my face" or "do you know any good electrical contractors that won't rip me off?". Yeah, real smooth talk. That's what I'm about baby.

But honestly, it feels so nice to act like a kid again, and nonchalantly flirt with girls. Especially cause I don't really care anymore. Like, it's okay, you know? I guess that's what happens with time.

On the left is a picture of the brand new running shoes I bought last week to run the 10-mile race. They're great shoes, but my right index toe is all bruised up! Am I wrong to blame the shoe? Stupid shoe, bruising my toes.
But my left foot's all good. I even went to the running store and showed them my toe. They offered to trade my shoes in, but instead, I just ended up buying some nice $4 socks. Funny how at the running store they always convince me to just buy more stuff. I even bumped into a girl there who looked really really familiar, like I might have known her in college or something. So, being typical teddy, I stared at her for a second, then walked off.
Ha!
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Want to hear one of my educational theories?
Everyone is born smart.
It's the circumstances they're born into that can cause them seem dumb.

Want to hear another one?
Wisdom can not be measured. Nor can true intelligence or original thought.
The only thing we can effectively measure is how good you are at regurgitating information.

How about a third?
The only way to truly understand any particular concept is by teaching it to someone else.

Heck, here's another one.
Everyone enjoys learning something new.

Oh, and one more.
Mathematical thinking is most effectively taught when treated as a natural language.

One last one.
Teaching is the singular greatest profession. We should all hope to become great teachers, to pass on the knowledge that we attain.
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go astros!

Wow, so while I'm sitting here sweating some homework and trying to finish up my paper, my ex-girlfriend calls me up and shouts into my ear, "Houston's going to the World Series!"

I can barely believe it. I decided to be a good boy and do my homework tonight and not watch the game. I guess I missed some good baseball, but secretly, I knew there were gonna win tonight. I mean, they got Oswalt pitching. And they pretty much had the last game locked down, baby. (well, until the last out of the 9th inning.)

Means, we get to watch at least 4 more Astros games, on the biggest stage of em all! I love it. The only thing that would make me happier would be if this was Yankees vs. Astros. Oh well, one can always wish for more.

What a great month, huh? College football, my new lover. Especially now that I go to a school that just can't lose. The NBA pre-season is around the corner, and I tell ya, those Rockets are looking hot! Stromile Swift? Please, that guys gonna change some things for Mr. Yao. And, at the end of the month, the Digable Planets are playing a show in San Antonio! Can you believe? Well, I missed out seeing these guys when I was in 11th grade. I'm grateful for the second chance, 11 years later.

And, to throw a layer of bacon on an already stacked fried October sandwich, the Astros are in the World Series!
Gear!
Hot Jimminy!
Outta sight!

But honestly, what's a nerdy boy like me supposed to do? On top of now watching the World Series, I got tons of homework and reading, all this great research at school, a sturdy Christian fellowship, all these yoga activities, races to run, tennis to play, and um, all these hot hoochies to mack. Baby, baby, it just ain't fair!
(can you spot the one fallacy? I'll give you a hint . . . it ain't the homework)
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On another note.

I had a great day today. I went to the advanced yoga class again, and this time, I gotta say, I was hands down, the worst one in the class. I felt like a beginner all over again. We were all doing forearm inversions, and baby, I just couldn't do it. I tried, I sweated, I just couldn't get both legs off the ground. And you know why I dig the advanced class. No one even noticed. Move on. Let's move on to the next pose. My back feels great, by the way. After this class, I always feel like I did when I first started to do yoga years and years ago. Your body just starts to align itself the right way, and you notice yourself walking taller and sturdier, and your breathing is fuller and deeper. I dig it, man.

I also did some house hunting today. Well, technically, I just looked at one condo that's for sale in the neighborhood I want to buy. All my instincts tell me, "rip off!" But then again, in this market, I think everything's a rip off. It was a 3 bedroom place with a parking space and 2.5 bathrooms, for just a smidge over what I originally paid for my 1 bedroom place in Queens. We'll see.

Oh, and I stopped by the tattoo studio today to check out the portfolio of this amazing local tattoo artist that I've been hearing so much about. Man, I dig this small town, there's only like 2 cats who everyone recommends for good ink. So, just go hang with them. I think what I want is too simple for them, maybe they'll spice it up a little bit. Hopefully I'll end up with something that's beautiful and raw, you know? More to come on this front.
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I spent the tonight talking with a new friend who I get along with quite well. It's strange, it's been a long time, since I got along with someone right from the get go. (Well, actually, not that long. It happened last month with someone at the big music show.) But, in general, it never ever ever happens in teddy's world. I rarely find someone I genuinely listen to when they talk. No disrespect, that's just the way it's always been, you know?

But it makes me happy. Meeting someone who's cool with me from the get go. And when I told them I was a vegetarian, instead of saying something like, "Oh, I could never do that" or "Really? Why?" or "Gee, that must be tough" which are the typical reactions, this person said, "I respect that. I've tried to do it too."
Wow, that was really refreshing to hear, you know?

No, of course you don't know! You aren't a vegetarian! You don't know what it's like! Sob. No one knows. Sob. Sob.

(um, teddy, what are you doing? Whining about being a vegetarian now?
Get over yourself, mr. drama queen. No one's forcing you. You want something to cry about, I'll make you cry right now!)

Um. yeah. Sorry about that. I apologize. That will be the one and only time I ever complain about being a vegetarian. That didn't feel very good at all.

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Yeah, I just want to give a shout to all the people out there who've been reading this and emailing me lately. It feels good to get love, honest. I never knew so many of my friends would be nosy enough to sit down and read my silly ramblings. I sure as heck don't read any of yours! Ha ha!

But keep them comments coming, it's nice to hear from ya. And let me know if you've got a blog too, cuz these things are actually kind of fun when it's not just me venting, ain't it?

shoutout to the real amy. keep yo head up.

i'm gonna do you a small favor

yes, indeed!
It's a good day.
I take it all back. Everything. All that jazz about being lonely and stuff. Ferget it.

You know what I love love love about living in Austin?
I get to be alone.
Oh yeah. God had to slap me in the face and remind me. Sometimes, it's good to just go and walk away from everything.

Sometimes the hustle-bustle of the grind just comes and wrings you out, and you just wanna chill and do your own thang, right? I never really got that in NYC, too many people everywhere. I mean, everywhere.

But down here in the Lone Star, there's space, baby. Lot's of wide, open space. To just be alone and do your own thang. I dig that.

I went to shoot some hoops tonight, and chose to go to the outdoor courts as opposed to the gym, cuz I wanted to be by myself and mull through some thoughts. And you know what?

I did! I got to just hang out, and work on my left-handed dribble. All by myself! (man, that never ever ever ever happened on an NYC court. The minute you pull onto a court, someone wants to play you. And they're always waaaay better than me.)

But actually, some kids did eventually ask me to join in their game. And I played. And I didn't suck, which makes me all the more happy! It's funny, but, I've never really been very good at basketball. Every other sport I try, I get better the more and more I do it. Running, tennis, snowboarding. The more I do it, the better I get. Basketball, on the other hand, I think I peaked in 8th grade, when I scored 10 points in a game, my highest ever. (it's probably because I was 1 inch taller in the 8th grade than I am now. And a whole lot fatter! Oh, sometimes I miss being a fat kid. I really do.)
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Life is groovy down in these parts. I'm gonna look at a house that I might buy tomorrow, it's a steal compared to NYC prices. I also solved a problem in my math class that a whole lot of people had trouble with, which made me feel superior to them, and therefore boosted my ego in a superficial way. Go go temporary empowerment!
Plus, I'm thinking about delving back into the world of tattoos. It's been more than 10 years since I got my first one, can you believe? And almost 8 years since I got my last one. I think it's time.
Yes, it's definitely time to get some more ink. More details to follow.

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I'm also trying to fulfill a command that God gave me the other day. You know, it's all good to promote social justice and volunteer and do all that jazz. But the real commitment to making a difference is by establishing relationships with the less fortunate. Jesus went and hung out with the prostitutes, tax-collectors, and lepers. The dregs of society. This is what I should be doing with my life, isn't it? Befriending and hanging out with those who are truly destitue.

I got a glimpse of that with some of the students I was teaching in Brooklyn. Some of them came from real high-poverty households, and establishing relationships with them and their families really was very fun. Now, I'm hoping do help out someone I met when I was volunteering at the convention center, a displaced New Orleans evacuee who's just trying to make it here in Austin with her son. I'm going to take them out to dinner this weekend and also invite them to my church. It's the first time in my life that I've done something like this, and it makes me happy that I'm finally putting my money where my mouth is. You know? I preach a good game of social justice . . . but honestly, what have I really ever done to fight poverty and inequality on a personal level. Most of my legacy involves standing around at protests to shout silly slogans, or wearing trendy counter-culture t-shirts, or debating political action while getting high.
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Oh, I almost forgot. Here's your treat.
A couple months ago, I was stuck in traffic in Queens on the Long Island Expressway (that's the LIE, to you city folk) and listening to my favorite station ever, Hot 97. It was a Saturday night, around 1AM, and for those of you who know NYC, no surpise that there's a traffic jam at that time of the night. DJ Green Lantern (arguably, one of the greatest DJs ever) was spinning his show, and layed down this phatty phat amazing joint that just consisted of whistles. Like slow, casual, pretty girl at the beach, 1950's whistles that he cut over and over and over. I couldn't take it! Wow, what an amazing beat. The rhymes were pretty tight too, and it's a good thing they kept shouting themselves out all over it, so I would know who they were, Dipset, baby. (you know, Cam'ron and Julez Santana's Harlem crew)
So, this beat with the crazy whistle runs through my dreams for the last couple months. I'm desperately looking up samples on iTunes and Amazon trying to figure out if this is a track that's actually been released. I gotta hear that phat phat whistle beat again!
Finally, the other day, on Acquisition (a fine fine Mac program), I find it. After searching for the last 3 months!

And I tell ya, I've been listening to it nonstop for the last two weeks. Oh yeah.
It's not as dope as when Green Lantern was cuttin and choppin, but it'll do. And finally, as with all dope beats, I've gotten just a little sick of it. (and, the lyrics are kind of a foul, which I don't approve of.)

But here it is, enjoy. (and don't arrest me.)

Oh, and here's a classic Del/Hieroglyphics track that I love too.

Have some fun, crazy kids.

all caps when you spell the mad name. --mfdoom+madlib=madvillian

MADTEDS

red red whine

So, here it is. My first whine about school:
Aww man, why do I have so much homework!
It's kickin my butt already. I can't believe I'm complaining about homework again, but I've got about 8 hours of homework to do, all due by 2PM tomorrow, and I've already been working all day. All day, I tell ya!

Heh. So, what is it, mid-October? It took me 1 and a half months before I officially started complaining about homework. Actually, I'm quite proud of myself. Up until now, I've been pretty on top of my game, getting everything done on time, and sometimes even early. Now, it's all starting to creep up on me. Serves teddy right. The official recommended schedule for a 1st year PhD student here at UT is 9 credits a semester, that's considered a full load when you factor in all the reading and homework.

I'm signed up for 11 credits. Plus the research I'm doing (which still isn't very much) adds somewhat to my workload. Suddenly, teddy's a busy guy! How'd that happen?
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Oh, on a somewhat unrelated note. Yesterday, Sunday, Oct. 16, I ran a 10-mile race!
Whoo-hoo! I finished strong, 1 hour and 34 minutes total. And the best part: I finished FASTER for the last half. I felt great, ready to run another mile or two at the end. I wasn't even sweating as hard as all the people around me . . . However, in the big picture, I finished 727th place, out of like 1200. Which is, um, like, for all of you good at math out there, like in the 2nd half of the pack. Oh well, there's always room for improvement. Check, check, it out!

But but but, wait.
Yesterday, I had an epiphany!
Yes, yes. It's been a long time since I've had one of those.
I'm not gonna tell you any more, but let's just say, God's got his hands deep into molding my life right now. It's made me hap-hap-happy!
More on this, later, baby.
Oh yeah.

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p.s. i turned off all the security for comments, so you can comment onto my blog all you want!

loneliness

you know, it never leaves. the loneliness. wherever i go, however friends i surround myself with, no matter how busy i fill my schedule up.
the loneliness still gnaws at the heart of me.

i always hated to answer my students when they would ask me questions like, "how come I don't have any friends." And I'd say, "honestly. you're in this world for yourself. get used to it. because if you feel lonely now, it's only gonna get worse."

it eats me up. and through the years, i've found so many ways to ignore it. booze, weed, friends, girls, yoga, religion, community service, school, sports, church, acid, mushroooms, traveling, strippers, video games, movies, food, everything.

and what have i learned?
nothing. the loneliness still gnaws at me inside. reminding me how utterly alone i am in this universe.

does anyone else feel this?
i just came back from a night at the clubs with a bunch of friends from church, and surrounded in a boom-booming club with girls grinding all over me.
and i've never felt lonelier.
so very alone.

my father told me that he's felt the same thing throughout his own life. the feeling that no one else really understands him. and for him, it just means to draw closer to Jesus.
maybe that's what I need to do.
maybe it's time I stopped running from this.

28 years, and i've always felt so alone in this world. so very alone.

ain't never been another like me

Wow. I've almost been in Austin for 2 months. It's strange how much can happen in such a short amount of time, huh? It's like a whole different life down here in Texas.

And I dig it. I really do. Part of me feels so guilty for saying this.
But honestly, underneath it all, I was just so sick of the constant grind and hustle that it took to survive in NYC. I always felt ever single part of my life was a battle that I had to win.

Down here, it's a little easier. And a little more stress-free. I dig it. But I also know that I might grow soft down here.

That's why I need to continually keep glaring at people, frowning, watching my back, looking angry and unamused, and act pompous and aloof. In this way, and this way only, will I still remain NYC tough and not get big, fatty, and smelly like all the other people here in Austin.

So, if you see me staring you down, like I'm about to run you over, just know that I'm just training myself. Take no offense. Or else I'll beat you down, punk.

Ha ha ha! I love it.

And amy's ice cream.
And girls who can't eat ice cream because they're lactose intolerant.
And kids from Taiwan.
And really good Thai curry made without fish sauce . . . vegetarians, represent!
And silly romantic comedies that make me throw game at every girl I see.
And rolling with Christian friends who are always shocked and amazed at the liberties I take with the Christian way of life. Hey baby, it's my faith that keeps me strong. Not my guilt, know what I'm sayin?
And what's going on in the H-town hip-hop scene. Wow, Mike Jones, Paul Wall, Devin the Dude. I take credit for it all. Thank you thank you thank you.
And bananas. Man, I love eating those bananas. My favorite fruit by far.
And working out with my trainer, who's totally chill and way too young to know true pain, but still works her butt off to whip me in shape.
And not having to wear a tie each and every day, and constantly worry about picking up my dry cleaning.
And fresh tortillas. Oh baby, made with chipotle and assorted red stuff.
And getting random emails from old friends in Korea.
And being offered job after job, but not having enough time to take them all.
And getting to sleep until noon on a weekday, and still getting all my work done.
And lunch with chill girls who genuinely enjoy hanging out with you.
And Christian kids on the flipside who party harder than I ever did, but still roll with the true faith and always invite me out to throw bones with them. How do they do it? Maybe they don't sleep ever. That's my suspicion.
And the knowledge that I'm the best bone-roller hands down, but no one will ever know, cuz I'm retired, pardna. Ya heard?
And seeing success in my students. Especially the ones who always work hard.
And talking. Just talking about things I dig, and people actually want to hear me out.
And advanced yoga classes in which a headstand is a basic pose that we then work off of.
And friends having babies that I get to play with and poke and try out my educational theories on.
And running at top speed at the UT track. Mesmerizing, imagining all the seats filled and cheering you on, with the beautiful views of Austin all around.
And finally getting comfortable with the absurd amount of white people down here in texas.

And your moms.
Ha ha, didn't think I'd leave that one out, didya.

cool it

hah! I went to the campus convenience store to get some gatorade, and all these kids were buying these crazy super-caffeinated energy drinks and starbucks double-shots.

mid-terms are in the house i guess.

makes me nostalgic for my own college life, back when i routinely pulled all-nighters trying to cram all the information back into my brain for some silly tests. and staying up all night sweating some paper.

Here in Ph.D. land, it's a little different. I find I'm actually kind of done with my work before bed time. And I know enough to steadily work throughout the whole semester to keep up, so I won't have to cram. I guess it just comes with age, huh?

But, it's strange, 2 of my homeboys from college just started getting in touch with me again. Makes me wanna relive those times. Staying up all night watching Simpsons tapes and getting so so high. Spending all my money on booze so girls would come over to our place. Sweatin dinner plans each and every day, trying to make it to the convenience store to buy a sandwhich, my only meal of the day, before they shut down at 11PM. Man oh man. I seem to remember only the good times. Anyone out there remember some of the really really bad times? Lemme hear em.

teds

feels good to be me

So, I'm gonna run a 10 mile race this Sunday. Today, after all my classes, which didn't end until 8PM, I thought to myself, "You know, Teddy. Can you even run 10 miles? Why don't you head over to the track and see if you can actually do it." So I did. And you know what?
I did it! I ran 10 miles straight (well, actually, I took a couple water breaks. And those last 2 miles . . . that wasn't really running). But I did it. And I feel great! Whoo-hoo!

Okay, I'm sure you could care less about teddy's silly obsession with running. You know, in NYC, it was such a pain in the butt to run. The weather wasn't nice all the time, you had to watch your back, there's no public water fountains, and everything's just kind of dirty and gross. Down here, running's pretty fun. The weather's awesome. And everywhere you go, they have free water! Wow, what a concept. Free water! And people just leave their wallets and keys by the side of the track when they run. They just leave their wallets sitting around! I can't believe it. You know, the queens boy in me gets a little tempted to lift their stuff. hoo-ha!

Wanna hear some gossip?
teddy's got no swagger with girls, lately. well, a lot less swagger than previously, which really, wasn't very much to begin with. but, honestly, i got so many girl issues right now, i've decided i'm through with it all. this time, I mean it. For real.

teddy's gonna try to stay single for a whole calendar year.
you hear me? that means until october, 2006.
so back off, all you girls that start off so friendly, but really just want a boyfriend. get away, because teddy is no one's man.
well, until next year that is.
or, until i cave in. like i always do. and end up falling in love.
same as it always is.

my heart, my aching heart . . .

Ouch.
A whole in my heart, newly torn by those Yankees, who just couldn't get it done.

I used to be a Mets fan, but just couldn't take all the losing. Now that I've been reborn as a die-hard Yankees fan . . . this just hurts all the more. C'mon, I even left my Bible study early tonight to rush home to watch the end of this game. Stupid Yankees, stranding everyone on base all night.

I thought it's supposed to be fun, rooting for the Yankees, cuz they always win.

(for those of you sh-sh-shocked by my allegiance to the Yankees, just know that a very very special friend of mine turned me into a complete Yankees fan over the course of this year.)

Aw, man. Now what am I gonna obsess about . . . now that the Yankees aren't in the playoffs.

Wait.
What's that I hear?
Oh yeah, the Astros! Whoo-hoo, my new favorite team! Go Astros!

Teddy, the forever fair-weather fan.

where you at?

Check check the dork in the picture. That's me, finishing the 10K race this weekend. Looking sweaty and swell, huh?

I really like these organized races, pretty cool that a guy snapped a shot of me perfectly framed! Now I get to laugh at myself for the rest of my life.

Okay, here's a shout out to various people who've been lurking on this blog. You, you, you, and you. If you're here, leave me a comment please. This new blog of mine sure is lonely, I kinda miss all the silliness that popped onto my old one.

I talked to my old homegirl Amy on the phone for like 2 hours yesterday. Mainly about computer stuff, but just about life in general. It's funny that I didn't really think I would miss Amy that much when I moved away from NYC, but talking to her, I really felt far far away from her life and that made me feel sad. You know, that awkard feeling of loneliness.

It made me feel good to talk to her, though. As I get older, I'm finding it harder and harder to establish deep relationships with the people I meet. Maybe that's why people always hang out with old friends, huh? New friends just aren't as fun.

This morning I came back from Houston. I went there on a whim to hang with my folks and make a fool of myself to someone who means a lot to me, but I'd rather not go into too much detail. Just know this, as much as teddy's pretending to be all grown-up and mature these days, it's just a sham. I'm still the same shallow, stupid, foot-in-the-mouth, better check in with me to make sure I'm not in trouble teddy.

It's good to get smacked in the face every now and then to realize you're not the man.

feel the burn

So, I just finished my first race ever: The IBM 10K Uptown Classic
Man, that was fun. For a couple minutes there, I thought I was a little in over my head. My breath was getting heavy, the sweat was falling in my face, my shins were aching a little, and my pace was getting a little slow.

But then all of a sudden, I'm at Mile 5 . . . out of 6, so the end was in sight. When it was all over, I realized that 10K's really no sweat. I finished in about 58 minutes, so a little more than 9 minutes per mile, which is a pace that I'm okay with.

Wow, I feel great. Plus, afterwards, I still had time to go over to church and hang out with everyone. Yeah, that was fun. But I'm a little tired now, and I know I'll be slightly sore tomorrow.

But, hmm, now I'm contemplating d0ing some heavier distance runs. That was a lot easier than I thought it'd be, especially with the free water tables and people cheering you on.

Here's my official stats: 902nd place (yeah, I know, doesn't sound very sexy.) But I finished in 57 minutes and 16.3 seconds. And 78th in my age group, which makes me kind of happy.

Whoo-hoo, I feel good. I think I'm gonna run more of these.

Curry-N-Rice girl

Awesome. Funny and poignantly sharing on the asian-american experience.

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