loneliness
you know, it never leaves. the loneliness. wherever i go, however friends i surround myself with, no matter how busy i fill my schedule up.
the loneliness still gnaws at the heart of me.
i always hated to answer my students when they would ask me questions like, "how come I don't have any friends." And I'd say, "honestly. you're in this world for yourself. get used to it. because if you feel lonely now, it's only gonna get worse."
it eats me up. and through the years, i've found so many ways to ignore it. booze, weed, friends, girls, yoga, religion, community service, school, sports, church, acid, mushroooms, traveling, strippers, video games, movies, food, everything.
and what have i learned?
nothing. the loneliness still gnaws at me inside. reminding me how utterly alone i am in this universe.
does anyone else feel this?
i just came back from a night at the clubs with a bunch of friends from church, and surrounded in a boom-booming club with girls grinding all over me.
and i've never felt lonelier.
so very alone.
my father told me that he's felt the same thing throughout his own life. the feeling that no one else really understands him. and for him, it just means to draw closer to Jesus.
maybe that's what I need to do.
maybe it's time I stopped running from this.
28 years, and i've always felt so alone in this world. so very alone.
the loneliness still gnaws at the heart of me.
i always hated to answer my students when they would ask me questions like, "how come I don't have any friends." And I'd say, "honestly. you're in this world for yourself. get used to it. because if you feel lonely now, it's only gonna get worse."
it eats me up. and through the years, i've found so many ways to ignore it. booze, weed, friends, girls, yoga, religion, community service, school, sports, church, acid, mushroooms, traveling, strippers, video games, movies, food, everything.
and what have i learned?
nothing. the loneliness still gnaws at me inside. reminding me how utterly alone i am in this universe.
does anyone else feel this?
i just came back from a night at the clubs with a bunch of friends from church, and surrounded in a boom-booming club with girls grinding all over me.
and i've never felt lonelier.
so very alone.
my father told me that he's felt the same thing throughout his own life. the feeling that no one else really understands him. and for him, it just means to draw closer to Jesus.
maybe that's what I need to do.
maybe it's time I stopped running from this.
28 years, and i've always felt so alone in this world. so very alone.
posted by Teddy at 10/15/2005 02:53:00 AM
1 Comments:
Ted,
If it makes you feel better, I get really lonely all the time. It's natural to feel that way. Just remember all the friends and family that care about you. That makes me happy.
Post a Comment
<< Home